Another dedication

To Lady K.-the one person even time can't forget. You stir my soul...


I wish I never had to leave you,
I didn't want to say goodbye,
The only time I felt at home,
Is when I had you in my life.
Part of me stayed behind,
Feel it with you and know that I,
Miss you more every day,
And think about you every night.
Where you are,
Is where I want to be
And this love will never die
If it has us to keep it alive.

Sports blogging with style

Never fear. The Greg One is here! Welcome back to the Gallery my pretties. Time to cross the threshold of the ridiculous and the sublime as only The Greg One can. There's been a lot going down lately so grab some popcorn and make yourself at home. Raider fan, i'd go ahead and leave now. Your time is coming...soon. The writers block is over and The Greg One is ripping it up like Mike Metzger at the X Games. Television programming note: I have learned of the coolest television program since the late, great Sam Kinison starred in Charlie Hoover. A moment of silence for the greatest comic ever.

Rest in Peace, Sam...Have you tapped Marilyn yet?

I will go on record as detesting reality television. Screw Survivor. Screw The Real World. Screw The Contender. Screw The Apprentice. Screw The Simple Life. You get the idea. When I become President, one of my first acts of office will be to fire every producer of a reality television series.

Destroy the head and the body will fall...

Originally I would have ordered a public execution for these creeps. They have single-handedly contributed to the stupifying of America and they should pay. However, I consider myself a man of the world and public execution may be a little too harsh

and affect my chances for re-election

even for these cretins so instead i'll make them stand in a town square somewhere and allow the public to throw vegetables

(Soft ones...)

at them for half an hour. That will give them a small taste of the bile we have had to digest trying to watch their pretentious programming. I would then make sure their shows are irrevocably cancelled.

All but one...

Mister freaking T is getting his own television show called I Pity The Fool! YES! I have not been this excited about something on TV since the season opening monday night game between the Chargers and Raiders. Mr. T is going to go city to city and grunt at people that do stupid stuff. What better premise is there?

HMMMMMMMMMM

The slogan is 'In every city, there's fools to pity!' This is going to be a legendary show. Mark my words. I just want to know if he is going to go the whole nine yards and put back on all the gold.

Go with what brought you to the dance, T!!

If you're reading this, do it T! We all want to see it. Don't be afraid to smack the stupid out of those fools either! It's your show, do what you gotta do!

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

I'm making sure to write in the guy who thought of this show for producer of the year. There is an Oscar in your future if I have anything to say about it. Everyone reading this, watch this show. We gotta make it number one. Mr. T needs the money. How long until M.C. Hammer comes out with his show? I will allow it only if the gold lame genie pants come with it. Word on the street is Gary Coleman is pissed no one has approached him for his own show yet.

Midget Security Officer 911...

One last thing. This goes out to anyone reading this who ends up on the show somehow. It is a reality show, he could be popping up at a location near you...I will personally put up fifty dollars of my own money and send it to you if you ask him ON TV

'Aren't you B.A. Baracus?'

Its in writing. I have to live up to it. Now watch this show or i'll send Mr.T to your house. I PITY THE FOOL!

Hockey season is back. Everywhere, around the United States, you can hear grass growing and crickets chirping. WHY do we even bother with hockey anyway? All the people in this country who are not a quarter or more Canadian could care less. Did anyone notice when the hockey strike was going on? No. Did anyone care there was a hockey strike going on? No. Did anyone take off work to mourn the loss of hockey? No. Didn't we all think hockey was the term for cutting school? Yes. You're up against the NFL, the NBA, the MLB and the Redneck Road Race aka NASCAR. Good luck with that. Just play out the season on XBOX and send ESPN an email with who won. It will leave more room for highlights from sports that matter!

There is a lot of noise being made about the new ball Commissioner David Stern is rolling out for the new NBA season. With the regular season only a couple of weeks away, a lot of complaining is being done about the new ball. Instead of the tried and true leather ball, the new ball is a synthetic ball akin to the fake leather ball we all buy instead of forking out $20-$30 for a real leather ball. Shaq doesn't like it, as if he could shoot any worse. We're only a couple more seasons from having to bring extra backboards to the games he plays in for danger he's going to break them with the bricks he calls free throws. Steve Nash is on record as against it. That argument could carry more weight. Nash is the premier point guard in the league and knows something about handling and shooting the ball. Its just ironic that in an era where the players and coaches are getting tens of millions of dollars and everything is done in excess, the game is going to be played with a fake leather ball. Next he's going to replace all those diamonds in the championship rings with cubic zirconias. No one will ever notice the difference...Right?

Tiger Woods has won six straight PGA tournaments. There's being in a zone and then there's just scaring the crap out of the competition. Tiger is the only person that matters in golf and is single-handedly keeping it from going the way of hockey. Want the inside scoop? Here's a snippet of dialogue from the last event. We pick up the action as a couple unnamed pros take their cuts:
Pro #1 (talking to pro #2 at the third hole): I have been playing great. I am going to have a great shot at the trophy this year. WHACK!
Pro #2: I feel the same way. My greens have been solid, my putting has been excellent lately...You're going to have to fight me for that trophy. WHACK!
A huge roar goes up 100 yards away as Tiger steps out of the limo. A buzzing goes on in the walkie talkie of the caddie standing ten feet away.
Caddie: Tiger is here.
Pro #1: (Expletive deleted).
Pro #2: (Different expletive deleted).
Pro #1: How much does second get?
Pro #2: What difference does it make? We should go back to Europe where its safe. He won't be there until the next British Open!

I bet Tiger has a sound cue that plays 'Bad to the Bone' every course he goes to. It would have been Hells Bells but Trevor Hoffman beat him to it. It's Tigers' world and the PGA is just living in it. I think its hilarious that the most segregated sport not named NASCAR is getting the hell beaten out of it by its one prominent minority member. You can rest easy PGA. Last I heard, even Tiger is tired of laying the smack down on you fools and probably won't play any more this year.

Your latest in the Latest .Original.Rock.Installemnt. Check out the Non-Sequitor forum in seahawks huddle for my Queensryche concert review. I'm going to see Evanescense at the end of the month. Any Phoenix area huddle hotties are welcome to join me, even the L.O.R.I.'s namesake claylori. Drop me a line or a post. Be my Amy Lee...if only for one evening.

The Major League Baseball playoffs are upon us. Its about damn time. The MLB season is entirely too long. Why do you need 162 freakin games before the postseason? That's like eating just to eat. You don't need 162 games to decide a regular season champion! That's why people clamor for football and basketball. They do just as much or more in less time than baseball does. Who wants to watch 162 Devil Rays games? That's more like a sentence handed down to someone convicted of robbing a bank. You can spend two years in jail or go to every Devil Rays game next season... That's how you keep criminals off the streets. The Yankees imploded again which is awesome. I don't like teams that try to buy their championships.

That includes you Lakers

All the money in the world can't buy comeraderie which is why your newly bought 'dynasties' fail. Alex Rodriguez is becoming the biggest 250 million dollar bust in history. Why didn't you call in Larry The Cable Guy to deliver a Git-R-Done motivational speech? You've found every other way to waste your money. No one feels bad for A-Rod. He's going to go home to his mansions and awaiting harem and live the life only Hugh Hefner knows. He's got to have a thicker skin. He's the Stuart Smalley of the MLB. Get a clue and leave New York before they start throwing batteries at you!

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And dog-gone-it people like me!

Don't think I forgot you did you Raider fan? Wasn't that season opener a thing of beauty? San Diego 27, Raiders 0. That was quite possibly the greatest game I have ever seen. A tear still wells up in my eye when I think about it...right there..Nine sacks. Shutout. In Oakland. Your convicted felons, I mean fans, leaving the stadium in droves with nine minutes left to go in the fourth quarter. In DROVES bitches!! So much for loyalty. Your own players laughing at the quarterback as he repeatedly gets bodyslammed by Shawn Merriman and the crew. A thing of freakin beauty. On top of that, they have been beat down so bad they're still winless, infighting, rolling quarterbacks out of retirement. Jeff George, Tommy Maddox...How did they not get the job? That's like flunking kindergarten. Rest in pieces Raider monkeys. I believe Joe Thiesmann is free at the moment. You may want to reach out and touch someone...

Reggie Bush has been very un-spectacular in the first few weeks of his NFL life. He is going to get better but stop trying to rush the man into being the next LeBron James. He is only part of the offense and a lesser cog at the moment. He needs a couple years to grow into his role. Deuce McAllister has been a force this season and has gotten no credit for it so give him some love before he gets injured as he tends to do every season. Reggie did score the game-winning punt return touchdown in week four against Tampa Bay but he will be a utility man his whole career. He's not the second coming of Barry Sanders. The closest you will get to that is Ladainian Tomlinson. Bush is not a back who will carry the rock 20-25 times. He will run a few times and recieve most of the time. Let him work on being the first Reggie Bush and not the savior of the league. The league does not need a savior and has plenty of star power to cultivate. It was great to see the return of the Saints to the dome in New Orleans. We were all affected by the devastation of Katrina in some way. We either knew someone involved, had new people at work or in your neighborhood or school who were transplanted from New Orleans. Thoughts and prayers go out to those who are or were affected by last year's natural disaster. I was a teacher here in Arizona last year and had students who were there a result of it. My heart and those of all around you go out to you. We know its not sympathy you want but you would feel the same way if the roles were reversed. Compassion for your fellow man is something that we could use a lot more of in this day and age. In the end, we're all one. Regroup and rebuild New Orleans and we will all be there to celebrate with you if not in person, in spirit.

What is the deal with the Colts? The almost lose to the Jets on the road in week 3 and only beat Tennessee by a 14-13 score in week 4. Unacceptable! Peyton, I love the commercials but get off the sound stage and get back to four touchdowns per game. My fantasy team needs you so get your head right dammit! Speaking of fantasy teams, if you have any Raiders on your team, drop them. All of them. You had no business drafting them anyway. Go sit in a corner and think about the stupidity of your actions. I showed up for a draft late and had the #2 pick which had already passed. The computer chose Larry Johnson. I traded him for Tomlinson the next day. Those of you with stars in your eyes about a 2000 yard season for LJ, how you feeling now. Go with the proven commodity, not potential with the first pick. Tomlinson should have been the first pick on everyone's list. Serves you right. Don't even get me started on Shaun Alexander...

Speaking of LT, how 'bout them Chargers?! I wrote about it even before the preseason started. Look it up. There will be no letdown in San Diego and I have been right. The defense is still #1, LT is still killing the opposition and Philip Rivers is the real deal, just ask the Steelers. San Diego will win the AFC West by at least two games and be a top three seed in the playoffs.

It's Monday, October 9th and from what I hear its Columbus Day. How many people knew that ahead of time? We didn't get any mail but we still had to go to work? What kind of holiday is that? If you don't get the day off, it doesn't count! That's why I take my birthday off every year! This was the day Columbus discovered America. How do you discover a place where people already live? The indians were here first. If you all will excuse me, I am going to go turn on a faucet and discover water...

Small towns, SUV's and the fugitive mind

I am originally from Raleigh, North Carolina. Born and raised in the capital city all I knew was living in a big city. During the high school years I discovered the world outside my capital. I had been to smaller towns on family trips and such, but those towns may as well not even existed. I never set foot on the ground there. After leaving the nest and exploring the country on my own I learned what it was like to live in a small town. And hated it... I have personally been to between 30-35 states and lived in a third of them at least for a few months. A lot of time has been spent in the midwest. I made my closest friends there and they became an extended family which is why I lingered so long. Unfortunately for me, they lived in the smallest towns and the restlessness never abated. There were bars everywhere. I don't drink. There were no ball clubs on a college or pro level. I love sports and going to games. No one played sports. I was probably born with a basketball in one hand and a football in the other. Everyone knew everybody which got me lots of looks being the 'outsider'. Generations of families all lived in these quiet towns and I would find many of them had not ventured or cared to venture outside town limits. Dating was a worthless pursuit. Have you lived in the midwest? The women look eerily similar to the men. All those things I could come to terms with for a while. There was one thing that got to me every single day...

The speed limits.

In my hometown, the speed limit is merely a suggestion. The yellow light means you better speed up, you have four seconds left...You didn't get pulled over for speeding, you got pulled over for excessive speeding. Excessive being 15 mph or more. In a city of a million people, allowances were given. In a small town no one speeds. The speed limit through town is 25 mph. Not 30. Not 35. Definitely not 40. Those limits are left for the highways. Two lane highways at that and if there's a tractor on the highway which in the midwest is a common occurrence, plan on adding another half hour to your commute. Minimum. You may as well be driving through a retirement village. The bluehairs are in their two ton Buicks and to them, 25 mph is speeding so they go 20. There's nowhere to pass and so you're stuck in your car going at a speed you could easily eclipse on foot. I hate small towns. I especially hate small towns in the midwest and I think all small towns should either be destroyed or overdeveloped to the point of motorized sidewalks. You want fresh air? Sit on the roof. Go to the lake. You want to sunbathe naked? No one is stopping you. I personally encourage it. You don't want neighbors for miles around? Move to Canada. There are plenty of wide open spaces out there. This is America, built on business, ideas, technology and the thievery of those who came across the ocean from England with boatloads of my ancestors!

The indians were here first...

Forget forty acres and a mule, give me a three story home with a Ferrari in the garage! This is the age of progress! After toiling in such mind-numbing anonymity living in a small town brings I finally got out and moved to Arizona where I landed...in another small town. Page, Arizona. I was just planning to live there a couple months. Work at the resort on Lake Powell and move on. I fell into a job teaching my passion, drama, at the local high school and dooming myself to another nine months in purgatory. Once that was done, I made my break for it and went on to bright, sunny Phoenix.

Haaaaaaaaa-LAY-loooooo-YA!

Finally, I had my metropolis! Bright lights, big city, hot women, places to go, things to do, sports, museums, Panda Express!!!

YES! AND IT COUNTS!!

Unfortunately, I have forgotten the vanity of the big city. In my pure joy of seeing posted speed limits of 40 and 45 through the city I gave no thought to the 'beautiful people' in their luxury automobiles, on their cell phones, not paying attention to a damn thing in front of them.

SUV, minivan, Hummer and pickup truck drivers i'm talking to YOU!

Here's my question. Why is it that the bigger the vehicle is, the slower you drive? I see you in your Excursions, Navigators, Explorers, Odysseys, Escalades, Pathfinders Xcursions and every other vehicle with a name that is some variation on road trip. Yes they're big. Yes, they're shiny. Yes, i'm sure they have put you into a great deal of debt and i'm very happy for you. Now will you do us a big favor and just GO! Why are you putt putting along at 55 when the speed limit is 65? WHY do you take ten minutes to make a simple right turn? Will it turn over if you take the corner going a brisk 10 mph? I know those monstrosities are the equivalent of a living room on wheels but would it be too much to ask to turn off the four televisions and drive! I zip through town in my sportscar and a nice one at that but I could care less who sees me in it. (Unless she's really hot and has no one in the passenger seat...) If I wanted to get there tomorrow I would have left yesterday. There's nothing worse than being behind these things when they're side by side in front of you. The light changes and they both mozey forward at a crawl. I travel with magazines in the car now so I can have something to do while these monkeys rediscover the gas pedal. It has nothing to do with physics, horsepower or anything else mechanical. Know your role monster truck drivers and punch it bitches!! I'm not one who road rages but you're all lucky i'm not wealthy or I would just bump you all until I had enough room to push through. Then i'd pay your damages, buy myself a new ride and you'd get the message. When you see the car with the Chargers license plate coming up behind you get the frock out of my way!!

And yes I do have a Chargers license plate...

I'd carry spray paint in the car so when the beautiful people are doing their slo-mo thing i'd get out at the next stoplight and paint the limit on their winshield so they would know how fast they should be going! I have the same approach to driving that I have playing basketball.

You can't hit what you can't see.

In a perfect world I could do those things and it would be justified. I'd have the backing of my fellow small to mid-sized car owners. The problem in Phoenix isn't traffic jams. The problem is that the giant vehicle owners are slowing everyone else down! You monkeys better pray I don't become President. For now, I say just carry eggs in your car and lob them over the giant vehicles so they land and break over the winshield. They will know someone is waiting on them, and they could never prove it was you...Go in peace my brethren and big vehicle owners, you've been served! Don't make me have to do it again!

Queensryche concert review

As I proclaimed in my Megadeth review, I am a metalhead to my last day. I am also a child of the 80's and a die hard supporter of the music from that era. Queensryche had been out for a while before I really had heard anything by them. I remember hearing their name mentioned numerous times and thinking "What a cool name." but it wasn't until Operation:Mindcrime was all over the place that I had heard any of their music. Naturally, I loved it. It was a little more melodic and vocals-oriented than the metal I was listening to and it stood apart from the hair bands of the time like Motley Crue, GNR, Poison etc...At a time where everyone was coming out of L.A. and the Bay area, here is a band fresh out of Seattle, the quiet pacific northwest, and making no excuses for it. That was more than enough to get my support. I still missed the Mindcrime era and wasn't fully on board until Empire came out. I was in at the beginning of that wave and that's when I became a devoted follower. The band released Operation:Livecrime and I bought the VHS version. (Man, I feel old admitting to that. I haven't watched a VHS tape in about five years.) Then I went back and bought Mindcrime. The music critics consider it the best 'concept' album of all time. Concept meaning an album that tells a story and each song is a chapter in the story. Others will say The Who's Tommy is the best concept album but i'll take this one every day of the week and twice on sundays. There's no comparison. Sadly, by the time the hair and mainstream metal wave was obliterated by the grunge movement I had not enjoyed the Queensryche experience live. I have been lucky enough to see almost all of my favorite bands live but they were among the handful that I missed out on.

(Rage Against The Machine, Whitesnake, Smashing Pumpkins and Pearl Jam...you're on deck..)

Almost a decade had passed before they reappeared on the horizon with the exception of greatest hits and live collections, then news of the sequel to Mindcrime. Was it true? In April we got our answer as Mindcrime 2 was released along with tour dates and on October 2nd I got my wish as Queensryche came to Phoenix. The story was the band would be performing Mindcrime 1 and 2 back to back in their entirety. Mindcrime is one of my all-time favorite cd's and I had high expectations. I have listened to it countless times, learned every note, every lyric, every sound on that cd. I remember being pretty disappointed upon being told that Geoff Tate's vocals were no more than mic effects back in high school. So, it was with excitement mixed with apprehension that I went to see for myself. I had a great seat in the fifth row. I entered as they has just launched into the first song, Anarchy X. The microphone effects story I soon surmised was not true. Geoff Tate's vocals were good, but not great. Whether it was too much polishing on the cd or the years taking their toll on the singer, Tate struggled to hit the higher notes, dropped a couple of octaves on some lines and sometimes simply spoke the lyric. I was close enough to see him straining to find the notes and even though the effort was there, sometimes the note wasn't. Tate's saving grace came in the form of Pamela Moore aka Sister Mary. Moore, who looks like a young Pam Anderson, bailed Tate out more than a few times with the higher notes once her character gets involved in the story. That part is critical, since those songs are the backbone of the entire story. However, even she looked like she had difficulty with some of the material, not nearly as much as Tate but there were notes lowered on her end as well. Musically, the rhythm section and guitarists were letter perfect and helped overcome the vocal lapses. I don't want it to sound like I hated the show because of Tate and Moore not being able to do it perfectly. I partly blame the band for taking so long to do the sequel and allow the fans to have that pristine recording in our heads upon entering. Similarly, I blame myself for having that pristine recording in my head to use as a measuring stick. I saw that most were there for the nostalgia effect more than anything. Usually I don't feel like the youngest person at a concert but here I did. Those in attendance may have been in my age demographic but they were much older than me. We supported them as teenagers and now we're reliving those years for three hours. I've been spoiled by bands like Nine Inch Nails, Korn, Ozzy and Aerosmith whose recorded material don't do their singers justice rather than the other way around. As the Mindcrime fans know, the band turns this into an onstage movie but they're terrible actors. No one expects them to be great actors and they overact (or underact) as best as they know how. The acting is left to Tate, Moore, the kid who plays Nicky and a few extras, even using intermission to pull fans to act as a jury during one song in the second half of the show. There's a jumbotron showing the movie unfolding. The disc links sex, politics, religion, war, money, murder and control. The fact that these are themes still dominant in today's society makes it all the more relevant to me. The character playing the killer is wearing a Queensryche jacket in the movie. I didn't like that. If you want to make a movie, make it. We know who its by...The onstage character Nicky and Tate wore numerous different Queensryche Mindcrime jackets while acting. Again, I repeat my previous point. As the original Operation:Mindcrime set came to a close and the band paused for a 20-minute intermission I had mixed emotions. The music had been rock solid, Tate's vocals just average, Moore was a welcome piece of eye candy who saved the day during the first set with her voice. The best songs has been her entrance on 'Spreading the Disease' and 'Suite Sister Mary' while the down moment was during 'My Empty Room', one of my favorite tracks. It was deviod of the familiar high notes and extended musically to compensate. Its was satisfactory altogether. Just one more candle left to light...
The second act.
I had not heard a note of Mindcrime 2 but was more optimistic. This was newly minted material, more suited to present day Geoff Tate. Even so, producing a worthy supplement to the original is a daunting task so it would be fun to see if they could pull it off.
They did.
The new material was excellent. Some of the lyrics in the first couple songs got lost but it was a great extension of the original. Even the acting was somewhat better. The new music was just as heavy, delivered with intensity and it may not be just as timeless yet but I do declare it a worthy predecessor and as you've seen already, I can be a harsh critic. The second 'act' redeemed the whole show in my eyes. It was wrong to expect them to deliver the original Mindcrime flawlessly and for those of you who will see them I give you the same warning but go see the show. I will go out and get Mindcrime 2 and when they come back around, I would go see them again. If you're wondering, as I was, if the band does any songs outside the Mindcrimes, the answer is yes. They came back out for an extended two song run through the classics 'Walk In The Shadows' and 'Jet City Woman'. After taking their well-earned bows one of the guitar players flung a pick at me which I managed to snag in a crowd like a free safety. Good times. Next concert: Evanescence. Stay tuned.