Sports rants
With all the weirdness going on in the sports world it has been left to The Greg One to convene this special emergency edition of The Peanut Gallery. With any luck, order will be restored in the universe shortly thereafter. God help us all...
In one of the funniest stories to come out of the NBA playoffs, the WWE and the Denver Nuggets faced off over a double-booking issue. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon had booked the Pepsi Center for Monday Night RAW last August and had every right to the venue monday night. The Nuggets, most likely figuring their team would not make it this deep into the playoffs rented out the center in good will and now have egg on their faces because it looks like they had less faith in their team than the fans.
In the end, a settlement was made and Vince will take the show on the road to an even bigger venue, The Staples Center, on that night. Of course we all know the Nuggets had to purge their coffers a hefty sum of cash to get Vince to move. The WWE should have stayed put and really embarrassed the Nugs for their stupidity. There were much more interesting ways to settle this dispute. How about Triple H vs. Kenyon Martin in a staredown contest? John Cena vs. Kobe Bryant in a posedown? Vince vs. George Karl in a armwrestling match? So many cross-promotional opportunities unfulfilled. WWE gets their money, a new venue and the Laker Girls for the night. Now a bad haul. Just goes to show you don't pull on SuperMcMahon's cape fools!
The Boston Celtics had their reign ended by the Orlando Magic. Chalk it up to karma. Eventually all those seven game series would come back to haunt them and some cosmic balance was due for all the foul play they got away with in the Magic series as well as the preceding Bulls series. How was Rajon Rondo not thrown out for game five OR suspended for game six of the Bulls series after taking Kirk Hinrich by the arm and flinging him hard into the scorer's table? There's flagrant and then there's using your opponent to execute a top notch do-si-do. That was wrong on so many levels. Sorry Boston, your run is over. Time to rebuild. KG is undergoing knee surgery and by next year you guys are going to be so old you're going to make Greg Oden look like Chris Paul.
Manny Ramirez gets to ride the pine for fifty games after being busted for using a female fertility drug. Wow. This is definitely a case of Manny being Manny because this would not happen to any other player. Anywhere. Ever. I say again, a female fertility drug! It would almost be better just to say he did steroids and he's appalled that all it shows is estrogen. Have fun explaining that to the guys. Story goes that the drug was for his erectile dysfunction. Manny with E.D.? Say it ain't so Manny. The Greg One has expectations of his ballplayers. You guys travel the country, party like rock stars and no doubt have to fend off countless groupies and gold diggers on the way to your hotel rooms. With all that trim waiting for you nightly you can't get it up? UNACCEPTABLE! Those hoes should be keeping your apple polished NIGHTLY! Perhaps that's why you went to a doctor in the first place.
(Because there's nothing worse than getting laughed at by a silicon enhanced lounge lizard, right Manny?)
In one of the funniest stories to come out of the NBA playoffs, the WWE and the Denver Nuggets faced off over a double-booking issue. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon had booked the Pepsi Center for Monday Night RAW last August and had every right to the venue monday night. The Nuggets, most likely figuring their team would not make it this deep into the playoffs rented out the center in good will and now have egg on their faces because it looks like they had less faith in their team than the fans.
In the end, a settlement was made and Vince will take the show on the road to an even bigger venue, The Staples Center, on that night. Of course we all know the Nuggets had to purge their coffers a hefty sum of cash to get Vince to move. The WWE should have stayed put and really embarrassed the Nugs for their stupidity. There were much more interesting ways to settle this dispute. How about Triple H vs. Kenyon Martin in a staredown contest? John Cena vs. Kobe Bryant in a posedown? Vince vs. George Karl in a armwrestling match? So many cross-promotional opportunities unfulfilled. WWE gets their money, a new venue and the Laker Girls for the night. Now a bad haul. Just goes to show you don't pull on SuperMcMahon's cape fools!
The Boston Celtics had their reign ended by the Orlando Magic. Chalk it up to karma. Eventually all those seven game series would come back to haunt them and some cosmic balance was due for all the foul play they got away with in the Magic series as well as the preceding Bulls series. How was Rajon Rondo not thrown out for game five OR suspended for game six of the Bulls series after taking Kirk Hinrich by the arm and flinging him hard into the scorer's table? There's flagrant and then there's using your opponent to execute a top notch do-si-do. That was wrong on so many levels. Sorry Boston, your run is over. Time to rebuild. KG is undergoing knee surgery and by next year you guys are going to be so old you're going to make Greg Oden look like Chris Paul.
Manny Ramirez gets to ride the pine for fifty games after being busted for using a female fertility drug. Wow. This is definitely a case of Manny being Manny because this would not happen to any other player. Anywhere. Ever. I say again, a female fertility drug! It would almost be better just to say he did steroids and he's appalled that all it shows is estrogen. Have fun explaining that to the guys. Story goes that the drug was for his erectile dysfunction. Manny with E.D.? Say it ain't so Manny. The Greg One has expectations of his ballplayers. You guys travel the country, party like rock stars and no doubt have to fend off countless groupies and gold diggers on the way to your hotel rooms. With all that trim waiting for you nightly you can't get it up? UNACCEPTABLE! Those hoes should be keeping your apple polished NIGHTLY! Perhaps that's why you went to a doctor in the first place.
(Because there's nothing worse than getting laughed at by a silicon enhanced lounge lizard, right Manny?)
(For when Manny has that not-so-fresh feeling)
Install a tv in his locker with only the Lifetime network playing. I have a lot more where that came from but you'll have to pay for it Dodgers. Manny couldn't get Viagra or Cialis to chip in? All he had to do was drop their name while on the air or in a tv spot and be set in little blue pills for life. Who wouldn't have thought Manny sitting in a bathtub on a ledge overlooking the sunset wouldn't have been hilarious? One commercial and all this could have been avoided...
Looks like Lane Kiffin can't even Twitter without committing and NCAA rules violation. Cardinal sin number one was allowing an intern to enter your tweet for you. A Twitter takes ten seconds to do. You could have got it done in an elevator but letting someone do it for you...shameful. On top of that, the intern name dropped the recruit you bagged which was against NCAA rules. You brought it on yourself loser. In the couple months he's been in office he's committed multiple NCAA infractions and wrongly accused other coaches of doing the same thing. Looks like the ex-Raider coach is bringing his Raider ineptitude to Tennessee. I see 3-10 seasons on the horizon in Rocky Top.
Its funny how the finals matchup everyone wants to see has close to no chance to happen. The Nuggets are playing better than the seemingly more talented Lakers and Orlando is taking a sledgehammer to the Cavaliers. One miracle shot kept the Cavs from going down three games to nil but Orlando has Cleveland outmatched at every position except for the poor soul that has to guard Lebron. Here we're seeing the return of 'The Jordan Rules' as it pertains to Kobe and LeBron. Let Kobe and LeBron score, lock up everyone else. So far it's worked and the underdogs have proven themselves to be better.
The Greg One is rooting for Orlando and Denver. Why? Two complete teams will play for the championship instead of two complete individuals. Secondly, this would shut up all the conspiracy theorists who think the NBA is fixed and the Lakers and Cavaliers already are a lock for the Finals because the referees won't allow it not to happen. The Spurs and Pistons should have proved that theory wrong years ago but even if only one of the favorites make it, that should be enough to silence the critics.
A question about the Atlanta/Miami series: If there was a series where no one cared and no one watched, did it ever really happen? Atlanta won the right to be cannon fodder for the LeBrons in round two but that series was rated lower than midnight infomercials.
The Greg One has what might be an unpopular but wise resolution for what ails baseball. As it stands right now, the steroid spotlight is shining brighter than ever and stars are scurrying like roaches in its glare. The new Yankee stadium has turned into Coors Canaveral East, attendance is down, prices are up and once feared mashers have lost their power. The NBA draft lottery was more fun to watch than most MLB games. The solution is simple. Kill baseball
(This will hurt you more than it hurts me Bud Selig, its for your own good...Luckily for you The Greg One is a man with answers!)
for five years. This way, those who are on illegal substances have ample time to cycle off, get their strength back and get used to playing clean. After five years, there will be a separation from this 'steroid era' and you can begin again as if these were the first games ever played. You would have been out of public consciousness and people will once again fill your stadiums to see this clean version of your game. You can come out with some nifty new slogan to bring back your viewers like the WNBA's 'We've Got Next' campaign from a few years ago. What do you do with all those multi-billion dollar stadiums in the meantime? Host concerts, the circus, tractor pulls, X-Games, outdoor hockey...the possibilities are endless and the teams could keep the proceeds. Not too shabby huh? The catch is when you come back you gotta come correct. Anyone who tests positive is gone for LIFE! Doesn't matter if it's HGH, HCG, the cream, the clear, bad Tylenol...if its on the banned list, you're gone, no questions asked. Kill baseball for five years then you get a shot at redemption.
(You're welcome, my bill is in the mail...)
Michael Vick is out of federal prison and spending his last two months of his jail sentence on house arrest. After his term is over he seeks to get back into the NFL. Vick may have served his time in the slammer and repaid his debt to society but he has not repaid his debt to Roger Goodell and the NFL. Roger, there's no time served in the NFL. Lay the hammer down on this fool! Don't ban him for life but don't let him in for another season. The league does not need a Vick circus in a season where we'll have the return of Tom Brady, a healthy Ladainian Tomlinson, the Matthew Stafford and Mark Sanchez projects and Pittsburgh coming out wearing the crown. There is much cause for celebration of the upcoming season from coast to coast. Michael Vick playing would cast a dark cloud over all of that. What moron owner
(Aside from Al Davis)
would want to put himself and his team in that position? The owner may be in charge of the team, but that owner has to answer to the fans! Good luck explaining why you brought in a guy who electrocuted dogs for fun to be your next quarterback. A one year ban sounds right, then let Vick try to come back. If he has the sense God gave a hamster he would know his time is over and its time to drift off into obscurity. Stay down Mike.
Looks like the Phoenix Coyotes are on life support. The ongoing legal battle pretty much ensures the Coyotes will be in lame duck status next year and moved after the upcoming season or moved to Canada now. Lets think about this. There will be no more hockey in Arizona....
Reaction One:
WHATEVER WILL WE DO?? THERE'S NO MORE HOCKEY! SCHOOLS WILL CLOSE! FLAGS WILL BE FLOWN AT HALF MAST! 'KEEP THE COYOTES' PARADES WILL BE HELD EVERYWHERE! TRAFFIC WILL STALL BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO PLACE TO DRIVE!! OH THE HUMANITY!! YOU CAN TAKE OUR LIVES BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OUR....COYOTES!!
Reaction Two:
No hockey in Arizona? And?!?! That leaves us with...let's see, the SUNS, the Sun Devils, Wildcats, Diamondbacks and the Cardinals. I think we're good.
Whatever geniuses thought of this should be shot. Hockey has no place in the desert! We don't need hockey in the desert for the same reason we don't need marathons on the interstate. It makes no sense. Leave hockey to the cold northern and midwestern states and stop trying to put it places it doesn't belong. Get lost hockey and take NASCAR with you.
My work here is done, for now. However, The Greg One is sure there will be more fools to pity with each passing day. Go in peace my brethren, and know that the next episode will not be far off.
posted by TheLegacyKey | 6:53 PM
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